Came across this today on Scott Ott's Facebook page. Michael Steele, our fearless leader of the RNC is releasing a new book "Right Now: A 12 Step Program for defeating the Obama agenda". And it got me remembering the book I saw the the DNC chairman Tim Kaine wrote, "Maybe Never: A twelve step plan for passing the Obama Agenda.
Step 1. We admit that we are powerless over Big Government
Step 2. Only a government bigger than GWB's government can save us.
Step 3. We made a decision to turn our money and freedom over to the government.
Step 4. Made a searching of our tax receipts (this only applies to those living under Big Government.Not to prospective members of the administrion)
Step 5. Admitted to Obama the exact nature of what is wrong with free enterprise.
Step 6. We are ready to have Obama nationalize all remaining remnants of the free market.
Step 7. Humbly ask Obama to remove the yoke of work from us.
Step 8. Made a list of all of the people that Republicans have harmed and find a way to send Attn Gen Holder after them.
Step 9. Made Attn General Holder send them to Gitmo (It's not for terrorists anymore!)
Step 10. Continued to take personal inventory of Republicans and send them to Gitmo when necessary.
Step 11. Sought through Obama's youtube videos and speeches in MP3 format for the knowledge and will to carry out Obama's vision.
Step 12.Having had a glorious vision of the future, spread the message of Hopenchange to all people, at least those on the Moveon.org mailing list.
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Monday, January 4, 2010
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Al Gore is the Music Man
Al Gore is quite possibly the greatest con man in history. If I was Al Gore's agent, I would book him on a Broadway run of THE MUSIC MAN and cast him as Henry Hill. I can see and hear the Goracle running through his version of the immortal song Trouble.
(Apologies to Meredith Wilson)
Citizens of the world/Well either you're closing your eyes/To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge/ Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated/ By the presence of carbon in your community./ Well, ya got warming, my friend, right here/ Ya got warming right here in your community./ Why, sure I'm a carbon man/ Certainly mighty proud I say/ I'm always mighty proud to say it/ I consider the hours that I expand carbon/ flying my private jet are golden./ Help you cultivate a green thumb/ and a cool head and a preening eye/ Never take and try to give/ a Nobel Prize from/ a three railed sailing yacht/ But just as I say/ It takes judgment,brains, and pomposity to thrive/ in a rigged game/ I say that any boob kin take/ and shove a cap and trade bill/ and they call that progress/ the first big step on the road to World Sal-Va-/ I say, first, recycling plastic/ then then re-using TP/ An the next thing you know/ your son is trading carbon credits/ in a hemp made suit/ An listenin' to some big out of town movie star/ hearin him talk about sustainable living/ not some communal living but living where the world isn't going to pot/ Like to see some stuck up Commie boy smoking on green patch/ Makes your blood boil/ Well I should say/ Plebes let me tell you what I mean/ You got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven continents in the world/ continents that mark a difference/ between Europeans and a Yank/ With a capital Y/ and proceeded by W and that stands for WARMING/ And all week long your Republican/ youth will be debatin away/ I say your youth will be debating/ debating away their noon time suppertime indoctrination time too/ get the can in the recycling/ never mind doing study/ or reading Adam Smith or Edmund Burke/ never mind being charitable/ til the third world is caught under water/ on a Saturday night and that's warming/ Oh yes we got lot's and lots of warming/ I'm thinking of the kids in India/ bellies poking out cause they can't get any food after school/ That's warming/ with a capital W/ followed by Y and that stands for Yankee/ who everybody blames.
To remember the rhythm
Any-who, Al Gore is set to become the world's first carbon billionaire from his pushing of global warming on us the residents of River City. Pretty similar to the huckster selling the boys band, no actual knowledge of the issues at hand but knows how to sell the sheep.
(Apologies to Meredith Wilson)
Citizens of the world/Well either you're closing your eyes/To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge/ Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated/ By the presence of carbon in your community./ Well, ya got warming, my friend, right here/ Ya got warming right here in your community./ Why, sure I'm a carbon man/ Certainly mighty proud I say/ I'm always mighty proud to say it/ I consider the hours that I expand carbon/ flying my private jet are golden./ Help you cultivate a green thumb/ and a cool head and a preening eye/ Never take and try to give/ a Nobel Prize from/ a three railed sailing yacht/ But just as I say/ It takes judgment,brains, and pomposity to thrive/ in a rigged game/ I say that any boob kin take/ and shove a cap and trade bill/ and they call that progress/ the first big step on the road to World Sal-Va-/ I say, first, recycling plastic/ then then re-using TP/ An the next thing you know/ your son is trading carbon credits/ in a hemp made suit/ An listenin' to some big out of town movie star/ hearin him talk about sustainable living/ not some communal living but living where the world isn't going to pot/ Like to see some stuck up Commie boy smoking on green patch/ Makes your blood boil/ Well I should say/ Plebes let me tell you what I mean/ You got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven continents in the world/ continents that mark a difference/ between Europeans and a Yank/ With a capital Y/ and proceeded by W and that stands for WARMING/ And all week long your Republican/ youth will be debatin away/ I say your youth will be debating/ debating away their noon time suppertime indoctrination time too/ get the can in the recycling/ never mind doing study/ or reading Adam Smith or Edmund Burke/ never mind being charitable/ til the third world is caught under water/ on a Saturday night and that's warming/ Oh yes we got lot's and lots of warming/ I'm thinking of the kids in India/ bellies poking out cause they can't get any food after school/ That's warming/ with a capital W/ followed by Y and that stands for Yankee/ who everybody blames.
To remember the rhythm
Any-who, Al Gore is set to become the world's first carbon billionaire from his pushing of global warming on us the residents of River City. Pretty similar to the huckster selling the boys band, no actual knowledge of the issues at hand but knows how to sell the sheep.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Health Care as Big Screen TV's
In the great debate that we are having about health-care in this country right now, I figured it was time to take a look again in my "free-market method" at a contentious issue and break it down into easier terms. It's what I do.
Any-who, as we can see from this study by the Kaiser Family Foundation
In the United States, which has had both a high level of health spending per capita and a relatively high rate of real growth in that spending, the share of GDP devoted to health grew from 8.8% of GDP in 1980 to 15.2% of GDP in 2003 (Exhibit 5). This almost 7 percentage-point increase in the health share of GDP is larger than increases seen in other high-income countries.
What we have seen, at least through 2003, is a huge jump in the increase of the health care sector's share of our GDP upon a cursory statistical analysis. Now over the course of roughly 23 years, this is a fart in the wind considering some of the life saving and prolonging medicines and technologies that we have developed. On an average evening at home, think of all of the ads that you see for either some heart drug, cholesterol inhibitor or other TV ad that you see for drugs for asthmatics. (Then again, if you are home reading Golf Digest it is a steady diet of Viagra and Cialis ads. Gives me a stiff neck, reading at home.) As the quality of care that we have received has increased so has the cost. Now, to be contrarian, why can't we have both, increased efficiency as well as lower costs. I believe that we can do both within the health-care market.
As we can see in this post from Consumer Reports,
a 32-inch 720p set will sell for $647, down 7 percent from December 2007
• a 37-inch 720p LCD TV will cost $782, down 5 percent
• a 40- or 42-inch 720p LCD TV will sell for $944, down 5 percent
• a 40- or 42-inch 1080p set will sell for $1,123, down 19 percent
• a 46- or 47-inch 1080p set will sell for $1,528, down 17 percent
• a 52-inch 1080p LCD TV will sell for $2,243, down 19 percent
High end expensive items are dropping based on the demand for these products. The supply of these items are meeting the demand. What you have is a fairly fluid market, essentially that there is not so much overhead and regulation that it is difficult for upstarts to get into the business of making a product and supplying a service that people want. How many TV making companies are there, I can think of several; Sony, Samsung, Pioneer, Westinghouse, Vizio etc. A good amount of them. What we have within the market for HDTV's is true competition. Lets' say that Samsung and Sony are servicing the "super prime" market, Pioneer and Westinghouse are serving the "prime" market and Vizio is the upstart, serving the rest of the general public. Sony and Samsung are competing with one another to make a product that the "super prime" consumer wants to purchase. At the same time, we have upstarts like Vizio who are trying to break into the market and make a profit by providing a similar, not better or discernibly worse product, by targeting a certain type of consumer who wants to have the HD technology but doesn't want to pay for the pomposity of the Sony or Samsung name brand. This is good for you and me, the average consumer, even though Samsung and Sony are not in a direct competition with Vizio as they will adjust their prices to try and pull from Pioneer and Westinghouse who are serving people in the "prime" part of the market. These forces drive the prices down for all consumers.
Now, this is a pretty crude picture that I've painted here, but the lesson to take away is that general competition between actors on an even stage will lead to lower prices for all consumers as each company is competing from a pool of consumers who wants to purchase their product.
On the other hand, what we don't have is a Czar of TV Pixelation who is dictating what each company needs to include within each television and how many pixels per inch that each TV should provide the viewer. The consumer is left to make that decision for themselves. Do they want the high end product, with the special gadgets and the mini robot which makes deviled eggs during half time, or the less expensive product which will only boil the eggs for you.
The "problem" with our health care system is that it is over regulated, overtaxed and overburdened with tort cases which have driven up the cost of providing medicine. Now, do I want just any Tom, Dick or Harry to set up a practice and begin to sell snake oil to the masses, of course not. The current health care debate isn't about "bending the cost curve" or insuring the uninsured. If it was, we would have broken down the barriers between purchasing health insurance across state lines and allowing in all states the kinds of plans that the uninsured would more than likely purchase, high deductible insurance to cover catastrophic accidents, not normal doctors visits. Or, we would have reformed tort law to cap the monies that could be won when Aunt Flo got a bad boob job and they came out lumpy. This is not the idea, the idea is control.
When the government is in charge of health care, they, the government underneath of the idea of cost cutting and trying to service the masses will have alot of say over what we can and cannot do with our lives. Hey, sorry Mr. Carlton, put that cigarette out as it will drive up costs. There is no greater control than the control over ones on day to day health.
Now, I would like to leave you with a thought, and hopefully if anyone reads this, a point we can debate. Since 1980 we have seen an increase in the cost of health care as a percentage of GDP grow by 7% points. Could it be from the government involvement and the slow creep of a socialized health care system? The health care markets have only become less free and the consumer has only lost choice. Where do we go from here?
Update
This story pertains pretty well to cost. Here
Any-who, as we can see from this study by the Kaiser Family Foundation
In the United States, which has had both a high level of health spending per capita and a relatively high rate of real growth in that spending, the share of GDP devoted to health grew from 8.8% of GDP in 1980 to 15.2% of GDP in 2003 (Exhibit 5). This almost 7 percentage-point increase in the health share of GDP is larger than increases seen in other high-income countries.
What we have seen, at least through 2003, is a huge jump in the increase of the health care sector's share of our GDP upon a cursory statistical analysis. Now over the course of roughly 23 years, this is a fart in the wind considering some of the life saving and prolonging medicines and technologies that we have developed. On an average evening at home, think of all of the ads that you see for either some heart drug, cholesterol inhibitor or other TV ad that you see for drugs for asthmatics. (Then again, if you are home reading Golf Digest it is a steady diet of Viagra and Cialis ads. Gives me a stiff neck, reading at home.) As the quality of care that we have received has increased so has the cost. Now, to be contrarian, why can't we have both, increased efficiency as well as lower costs. I believe that we can do both within the health-care market.
As we can see in this post from Consumer Reports,
a 32-inch 720p set will sell for $647, down 7 percent from December 2007
• a 37-inch 720p LCD TV will cost $782, down 5 percent
• a 40- or 42-inch 720p LCD TV will sell for $944, down 5 percent
• a 40- or 42-inch 1080p set will sell for $1,123, down 19 percent
• a 46- or 47-inch 1080p set will sell for $1,528, down 17 percent
• a 52-inch 1080p LCD TV will sell for $2,243, down 19 percent
High end expensive items are dropping based on the demand for these products. The supply of these items are meeting the demand. What you have is a fairly fluid market, essentially that there is not so much overhead and regulation that it is difficult for upstarts to get into the business of making a product and supplying a service that people want. How many TV making companies are there, I can think of several; Sony, Samsung, Pioneer, Westinghouse, Vizio etc. A good amount of them. What we have within the market for HDTV's is true competition. Lets' say that Samsung and Sony are servicing the "super prime" market, Pioneer and Westinghouse are serving the "prime" market and Vizio is the upstart, serving the rest of the general public. Sony and Samsung are competing with one another to make a product that the "super prime" consumer wants to purchase. At the same time, we have upstarts like Vizio who are trying to break into the market and make a profit by providing a similar, not better or discernibly worse product, by targeting a certain type of consumer who wants to have the HD technology but doesn't want to pay for the pomposity of the Sony or Samsung name brand. This is good for you and me, the average consumer, even though Samsung and Sony are not in a direct competition with Vizio as they will adjust their prices to try and pull from Pioneer and Westinghouse who are serving people in the "prime" part of the market. These forces drive the prices down for all consumers.
Now, this is a pretty crude picture that I've painted here, but the lesson to take away is that general competition between actors on an even stage will lead to lower prices for all consumers as each company is competing from a pool of consumers who wants to purchase their product.
On the other hand, what we don't have is a Czar of TV Pixelation who is dictating what each company needs to include within each television and how many pixels per inch that each TV should provide the viewer. The consumer is left to make that decision for themselves. Do they want the high end product, with the special gadgets and the mini robot which makes deviled eggs during half time, or the less expensive product which will only boil the eggs for you.
The "problem" with our health care system is that it is over regulated, overtaxed and overburdened with tort cases which have driven up the cost of providing medicine. Now, do I want just any Tom, Dick or Harry to set up a practice and begin to sell snake oil to the masses, of course not. The current health care debate isn't about "bending the cost curve" or insuring the uninsured. If it was, we would have broken down the barriers between purchasing health insurance across state lines and allowing in all states the kinds of plans that the uninsured would more than likely purchase, high deductible insurance to cover catastrophic accidents, not normal doctors visits. Or, we would have reformed tort law to cap the monies that could be won when Aunt Flo got a bad boob job and they came out lumpy. This is not the idea, the idea is control.
When the government is in charge of health care, they, the government underneath of the idea of cost cutting and trying to service the masses will have alot of say over what we can and cannot do with our lives. Hey, sorry Mr. Carlton, put that cigarette out as it will drive up costs. There is no greater control than the control over ones on day to day health.
Now, I would like to leave you with a thought, and hopefully if anyone reads this, a point we can debate. Since 1980 we have seen an increase in the cost of health care as a percentage of GDP grow by 7% points. Could it be from the government involvement and the slow creep of a socialized health care system? The health care markets have only become less free and the consumer has only lost choice. Where do we go from here?
Update
This story pertains pretty well to cost. Here
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The Daily Twain
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The Daily Twain
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Daily Twain
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Daily Twain
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The Daily Twain
I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The Daily Twain
I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Surpise! Captain Phillips spent time at sea with Pirates discussing Pirate movies.
In a surprising news story this morning, the soon to arrive hero revealed in an interview this morning that he was able to survive his harrowing detainment by Somali Pirates through their shared love of pirate movies.
"I have to tell you," Captain Phillips shared with Skip Parsons, intrepid reporter for the Aden Times, "those Pirates really had a good taste in pirate movies." Captain Phillips went on to explain how he felt about the possibility that he may have been taken back to the Somali Pirates Lair on the mainland. "Any time that you are with new people, you need to find some common ground. We found that on our shared appreciation of the Pirates of the Caribbean Movies. The youngest pirate I gave the nickname of Will Turner, and the most effeminate of them I gave the nickname of Elizabeth Turner. Like they were married or something. Everyone got a real giggle out of that one." Upon discovering that he may be held hostage, Captain Phillips was light-hearted as usual. " The Pirates kept telling me about how they really thought the best Pirate movie of all Time was Cutthroat Island, with Geena Davis and Matthew Modine."
Captain Phillips went on to explain how he would have felt about being held hostage. " Well, the prospect of being held hostage was frightening, but I wanted to make the best of the situation if possible. Also, the girly pirate, you know the Elizabeth Swann character, was telling me that if I didn't like Cutthroat Island when I first saw it, I should watch it in Blu-Ray. He said it would blow my mind."
The press corps were interested in this, "Captain Phillips, as Somalia is a dirt-poor country, where did they think that they were going to get a Blu-Ray player with the home-theater system to truly enjoy the movie."
Captain Phillips replied, " Well, I thought the same thing myself, but the Will Turner pirate told me that they were expecting a delivery of Blu-Ray players and home-theater systems later this month."
More details to come
"I have to tell you," Captain Phillips shared with Skip Parsons, intrepid reporter for the Aden Times, "those Pirates really had a good taste in pirate movies." Captain Phillips went on to explain how he felt about the possibility that he may have been taken back to the Somali Pirates Lair on the mainland. "Any time that you are with new people, you need to find some common ground. We found that on our shared appreciation of the Pirates of the Caribbean Movies. The youngest pirate I gave the nickname of Will Turner, and the most effeminate of them I gave the nickname of Elizabeth Turner. Like they were married or something. Everyone got a real giggle out of that one." Upon discovering that he may be held hostage, Captain Phillips was light-hearted as usual. " The Pirates kept telling me about how they really thought the best Pirate movie of all Time was Cutthroat Island, with Geena Davis and Matthew Modine."
Captain Phillips went on to explain how he would have felt about being held hostage. " Well, the prospect of being held hostage was frightening, but I wanted to make the best of the situation if possible. Also, the girly pirate, you know the Elizabeth Swann character, was telling me that if I didn't like Cutthroat Island when I first saw it, I should watch it in Blu-Ray. He said it would blow my mind."
The press corps were interested in this, "Captain Phillips, as Somalia is a dirt-poor country, where did they think that they were going to get a Blu-Ray player with the home-theater system to truly enjoy the movie."
Captain Phillips replied, " Well, I thought the same thing myself, but the Will Turner pirate told me that they were expecting a delivery of Blu-Ray players and home-theater systems later this month."
More details to come
Monday, April 13, 2009
Jury reaches verdict in Phil Spector case... Botox industry worried it will lose it's best client
In a breaking story from Los Angeles, the jury for the Phil Spector murder trial have reached a verdict.
After hearing about a possible verdict for Spector, we contacted Sindy "Stretch" Hawkins, the national spokesperson for the Botox industry.
We aren't too terribly worried about the loss of Mr. Spector's business," Ms. Hawkins tried to say through a clenched jaw. " We are currently beginning to work closely with the embalming business to try and expand our market share. From the looks of it, Mr. Spector may already be working with an embalmer."
More to follow.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
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